How can you make a funeral personal and meaningful for your loved one?

Creating a Personalised Funeral Experience

Introduction

Due to some delays in moving I'm currently having a few days to work on some admin and stopping for a short time has given me the opportunity to reflect a little on the ceremonies that I have led over the last year. As I look back, I am pleased to say that no two ceremonies have been the same, with each crafted from scratch to help a family remember their loved one. Reflecting on this there are lots of different ways to personalise a ceremony, some of these can be fairly simple and low cost, while others can be more creative, all of which can help to make a ceremony more personal.

Simple Ways to Personalise a Funeral

• Flowers can be a lovely, and relatively simple way to personalise a ceremony. While flowers can be expensive, especially if you are asking for an intricate design, these can also be done simply and effectively if you think outside the box. For instance, I recently led a ceremony for a gentleman who loved walking and his walking boot was used as a vase for a beautiful spray of flowers which was placed on the coffin at the crematorium.

• Music can be incredibly emotive and can have an impact on the atmosphere while creating a personal touch. While everyone has their own preferences regarding music, it is important to consider the kind of music your loved one enjoyed as this can be a simple way to personalise any ceremony. In this regard music can be selected from various genres including: rock, jazz, classical, popular, religious, TV or film. We are only limited by our imagination and one ceremony I led this year we had everyone singing the deceased's favourite karaoke tune.

• Poetry offers the opportunity to pause and reflect during a ceremony. There are a lot of beautiful funeral poems that we can choose from which offer words of comfort and peace at such a difficult time. Perhaps you want something more individual, more personal because your loved one had a particular interest or hobby that you want reflected in the ceremony. This can be done by writing a poem yourself or asking me to help which I have done on numerous occasions.

• Visual Tributes are now offered at most crematoriums and are a slideshow of pictures that you select and are set to a piece of music of your choosing. While this is something a family member or friend can do, you can also submit the pictures you choose to your funeral director who will make arrangements for you. Visual tributes offer families and those gathered the opportunity to pause within a ceremony and reflect on pictures that give an insight into their loved one's life.

• Colour and Clothing is a simple way to personalise any ceremony. While black is traditionally worn there has been a shift to less formality over the last decade. Perhaps your loved one had a favourite colour, some families ask that those attending reflect this in what they wear and this is something I will do too. I have also led in more relaxed clothing when asked, even wearing shorts and a football shirt recently.

• Bearing the Coffin might seem daunting but this is an immense privilege for those who feel able to do this for a family member or friend. If carrying the coffin is too much physically but you would like to be involved in this way, you can also wheel the coffin into the crematorium.

Personal Messages within a Ceremony

• The Eulogy is often the central element of most funerals and allows the opportunity to reflect on the life of your loved one. Traditionally a Eulogy would start with information about someone's early life and mark milestones along their journey though life while encompassing stories of who they were. They don't have to follow this format though and I have written Eulogies that focus on key elements of someone's life, or have focused on their nature and character with stories of their life.

• Writing the Eulogy yourself is another way to make a ceremony more personal. If you choose to do this I will be with you every step of the way to offer support and guidance.

• Brief Personal Messages of Thanks from loved ones can be a fitting tribute and often touch on different areas of someone's life. These can be read personally by each person, although most people prefer that one or two people read these on everyone's behalf.

• An Open Time of Sharing can give the opportunity to hear different voices and stories within a ceremony. With my own personal background I have experience in managing and leading open times of sharing and have found that these can be incredibly emotive and moving.

Creative Touches

• Live Music can be incredibly personal and emotive during a ceremony. This can include:

  • A solo being sung.

  • Someone's favourite song being re-recorded by a band they were in.

  • A live band, this can require a double slot at the crematorium and I have led with a brass band that the deceased was a member of which was incredibly moving.

• Writing Personal Messages to your loved one during the service, these can be placed on the coffin at the appropriate moment or even pinned to a jute coffin.

• A Final Toast of whisky or other spirit can be a fitting tribute before laying someone to rest.

Today I've mainly focused on simple ideas to personalise a funeral ceremony which I hope have been helpful, at a later date I will write some further thoughts on more creative ways to personalise a ceremony. As a funeral celebrant it's important to me that every ceremony I lead reflects the life of individual that we are remembering and so I will always take the time to sit and listen as we prepare the ceremony together.

If you are anticipating planning a ceremony soon and would like to have chat, please don't hesitate to get in contact. Equally, if you want to make some early preparations to ease the burden on your loved ones in the future, then give me a call and we can meet to discuss things further.